Author: Ann Schiebert
Bitterness, Part 2
Now you have written all the events that have made you bitter, in one JAR. Now what? Select one topic. Write it down at the top of a piece of paper. Answer the following questions:
1. What happened?
2. What was your part in it?
3. What came up for you? What feelings? What events in your history did this event remind you of?
4. What could you do differently next time?
5. Do you need to apologize to someone? Do you need to apologize to yourself?
6. What do you need to work on?
Let’s make up one as an example of how this process works:
1. What happened? My boyfriend cheated on me.
2. What was my part in it? I developed a habit of putting him down in front of his friends when we were together. I told him he should have a better job. I told him he needed to go to college. I wanted him to dress better. I didn’t like his parents. I only wanted to socialize with my friends.
3. What came up for me? I wanted my boyfriend to improve, the way my father wanted me to always do something better and the way he never liked my friends. I felt more powerful being dissatisfied with him.
4. What could I do differently next time? Not jump into a relationship so quickly until I really know someone. Focus more on how I can improve myself instead of telling others how they need to change.
5. Do I need to apologize to someone? I need to apologize to my ex-boyfriend for all the negative feedback I gave him. I need to apologize to myself for thinking I can change someone else.
6. What do I need to work on? I need to work on learning how to be supportive to others instead of being critical. I need to more closely examine how, in my adult life, I am mimicing the critical nature of my father that I hated as a child.
Read this every day for 7 days, then burn it, or put it in a Resolution JAG. You might be surprised how you feel after a week.
Next post: Examining item 6.