Author: Ann Schiebert

Types of Reality Distortion Systems

Codependency, Part 2

The game of, “Irresponsibility,” is one that lures codependents into unfulfilling relationships.

Irresponsibility: Codependents are SUPER responsible. They enable those who are irresponsible to keep being irresponsible. How do they do that? By doing for others what they should have/could have done for themselves. And if I can get someone else to do something for me instead of having to do it myself, why wouldn’t I? Codependents are attracted to irresponsible people because they need rescuing, fixing and changing. The codependent wants to teach the person who is irresponsible how to be responsible via role modeling, lecturing, cajoling, emotional manipulation, etc. It is a symbiotic relationship. The codependent and the irresponsible person feed off each other. The codependent realizes his/her need to change, rescue, and fix another human being, and the irresponsible person’s need for being rescued is met! What a perfect union!

But this game comes with strings attached. The codependent is a bit of a martyr and expects gratitude and movement toward change by the irresponsible party. When this doesn’t happen, the codependent becomes resentful, despairing, nagging, and bitter. The more the codependent rescues, the more the person he/she rescues expects to be saved from the consequences of not following through on something that should have been done.

If one is constantly being rescued from his/her lack of keeping commitments, why would there need to be a change? The cycle is – situation caused by irresponsibility – rescue by codependent – rescued person gets off the hook – situation caused by irresponsibility and so on. Why change? But this goes on without end, over and over with the same unhappiness for all parties. It only ends when the codependent gets help.

The Reality Distortion in this system, is that things are working, OK.

Next post: codependency and its games with addicts.