Author: Ann Schiebert
Everyone has boundaries but often we don’t know what they are or how to put words to them. The following will give some language with which you can consider yours.
These are so commonly disrespected! Example: You just started a diet and your friend invites you to lunch. You tell her you are on a diet and she tries to insist that you taste the unbelievably delicious piece of cheesecake she is enjoying. “One bite won’t hurt.” This is a boundary violation.
Did you know that we have spacial boundaries? Have someone walk toward you and note when you begin to feel uncomfortable. Tell them to stop. That is your spacial boundary. Ever have someone bump into you with their grocery cart in the check-out line? Were you irritated? They have violated your spacial boundary.
Ever allowed someone to hug or kiss you on the cheek when you didn’t want them to? You have violated your own spacial boundary.
As a family, it is decided that for the holiday gift exchange, presents should not cost more than $20. But you find an incredible gift for Aunt Ginny that costs $50 on sale. What to do? If you purchase this present, you have violated the limit that was set by your family.
As a couple, we have different spiritual beliefs and practices. One of you decides that the spiritual practice of your partner is ridiculous and you can’t understand how your loved one puts any credibility into such a belief. In order to help your mate, “see the light,” you research and lecture about why that particular belief should be abandoned. You have violated your partner’s spiritual boundary.
Who has sex with whom, and when, where, and how you engage in sex, should be agreed upon before entering into a relationship. If you are a swinger, and you fall in love with a monogamous person, it is very likely that there will be huge relationship problems. If you like to have sex 5 times a week, and your partner is not very sexual, your expectations will be dashed because your partner will set limits. Another huge barrier to intimacy filled pastiming.
How do you show your anger? If you punch holes in the sheet rock, and this is unacceptable to your partner, you have violated an anger boundary. If you call names in anger and your mate has a belief that name calling is insulting and demeaning, a large rift will appear in the relationship.
Everyone has boundaries. Whether you know what they are or not, disrespecting someone’s limits is still a boundary violation.
Next Post = more boundaries