Author: Ann Schiebert

Now that we understand unhealthy boundaries, and how they would form a barrier to Intimacy Filled Pastiming, let’s look at Healthy Boundaries, describe them, and investigate how they could help facilitate Intimacy Filled Pastiming.

Appropriate trust
Revealing a little of yourself at a time, then checking to see how the other person responds to your sharing
Moving step by step into intimacy
Putting a new acquaintanceship on hold until you check for compatibility
Deciding whether a potential relationship will be good for you
Staying focused on your own growth and recovery
Weighing the consequence before acting on sexual impulse
Being sexual when you want to be sexual – concentrating largely on your own pleasure rather than monitoring the reactions of your partner
Maintaining personal values despite what others want
Noticing when someone else displays inappropriate boundaries
Saying, “NO” to food, gifts, touch, sex you don’t want
Asking a person before touching them
Respect for others – not taking advantage of someone’s generosity
Self-respect – not giving too much in hopes that someone will like you
Not allowing someone to take advantage of your generosity
Trusting your own decisions
Defining your truth as you see it
Knowing who you are and what you want
Recognizing that friends and partners are not mind-readers
Clearly concentrating on your wants and needs (and recognizing that you may be turned down, but you can ask)
Becoming your own loving parent
Talking to yourself with gentleness, humor, love and respect

Healthy boundaries provide a safe place for people in relationship.  With boundaries, those around us know our limits and how to proceed when interacting with us.  If a partner knows NOT to ask you if you want a bite of cake because you don’t eat sugar, that enables you to relax during a meal.  You know you will not have to explain why you don’t want a bite of some delicious goodie, and your loved one will also know not to try to tempt you.  This is kind and respectful behavior.

If there is enough kindness and respect in a relationship, intimacy filled pastiming will be the reward.

Next post is a very fun exercise that will help you determine what your values are.