The Marriage Divorce Intimacy Style, Part 2



Types of Intimate Relationships

The Marriage Divorce Intimacy Style, Part 2

Over the years, I have heard many reasons for getting married. I am sharing a few with my readers to illustrate some of the superficiality with which we approach our desire to engage in an intimate relationship:

1. She had big tits.

2. He made a lot of money and would buy me things I always wanted.

3. She was pretty.

4. She/he was good in bed.

5. I liked his height.

6. He/she needed me.

7. He/she was funny.

8. I liked his ass (not meaning donkey!).

9. He/she had a great personality.

10. I thought he/she would make a great parent.

Note, there is not one item about inner connectivity, or the desire to transcend the temporal, or how one feels about the soul/values of the person they are considering marrying. The items listed above are either irrelevant to a sustained relationship, or they don’t go far enough in stating what traits a person has that support the statement. For example, the, “he/she had a great personality,” reason for getting married, doesn’t identify any traits that would support the statement. This reason was presented to me by a real couple who came for therapy. The husband clarified this reason by adding, ” She was great with my friends and family, and they liked her. She could talk to me about sports. But when we were alone, she used to get furious about nothing and call me horrible names.”

So often we overlook or rationalize the few characteristics that eradicate the positive trait we liked. And this is one of the main reasons for the marriage/divorce cycle. WE THINK THAT OUR FUTURE SPOUSE WILL CHANGE BECAUSE WE WANT THEM TO, AND WE OVERLOOK CHARACTERISTICS THAT ARE NOT ACCEPTABLE TO US IN THE LONG RUN.

There is an adage that most of us, in the early stages of lust/love, want to ignore: “WHEN PEOPLE SHOW YOU WHO THEY ARE, BELIEVE THEM!” When we consider getting into a relationship, examine ALL the characteristics of the person you are engaged with. DON’T overlook ANY of them.

More, next post.

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