Author: Ann Schiebert

Reality Clarity Systems lend themselves to Intimacy Free Pastiming – the healthy part of it.  Remember, the unhealthy part of Intimacy Free Pastiming is activities excessively done in solitude – like joining a gaming community every night until you go to bed.  The healthy component of Intimacy Free Pastiming includes joining other people, in real time, to do an activity, or to learn about a topic, or to play on a sports team or cooking/eating together.  

Once we have traveled the challenging journey from our Reality Distortion System to our new Reality Clarity System, Intimacy Free Pastiming with those in our new Reality Clarity System is crucial.  Having fun or meeting with people who believe as you do is what sustains your Reality Clarity System.

Here’s an example of how this might work:

I have minimized my contact with my alcoholic family.  I have told them that until mom and my brother get treatment, I just can’t accept their calls to bail them out of the consequences of their drinking.  And I have kept that boundary that I set.  I may meet them early in the morning for coffee, but that’s it.  I no longer return voice mails when they are in jail for the latest DUI, or anything that has to do with their addiction consequences.  I used to focus on how to help them, but now I know that only they can help themselves.  I have left my Reality Distortion System by reading about addiction, attending Alanon and codependency groups, and now I have a new perspective on how I enabled the RDS to support my family’s dependency problems.  

I am new in my Reality Clarity System.  I see my family’s issues through a new lens.  I feel better about myself in the knowledge that I can only take care of myself, and I can’t fix others.  I have learned that I am a rescuer.  My goal is to leave that role.  I have met other people who have similar histories, who come from alcoholic families, and I have watched how they are recovering from the many challenges that come from being a product of an alcoholic family.  And I have new friends.  People who are either in recovery from codependency or people who don’t come from alcoholic families.  We have fun together.  We attend meetings, go out to eat, exercise together.  This supports my recovery from my RDS and sustains my position in my RCS.  We participate in Intimacy Free Pastiming – I am having fun, for the first time in my life!

The above is only one example.  There are so many uplifting stories from those who are recovering from many types of RDS.  Find them!  Interact with them!  Whatever your RDS, you are not alone!

Next post:  Reality Clarity Systems and Intimacy Filled Pastiming!