Author: Ann Schiebert

Reality Distortion Systems are based on denial.  Reality Clarity Systems are based on overcoming denial and embracing a new, more accurate, perspective.  Intimacy Free Pastiming is based on having activities, communications, hobbies that one can do alone or with another.  The activity or non personal subjects are the topic of discussion.  Intimacy Filled Pastiming can be physical and/or ways of interacting with each other that illicit deep sharing and connecting.

Through considering examples, let’s look at how these concepts can interact and effect each other:

Reality Distortion Systems and Intimacy Free Pastiming:  I believe that the, "friends," I make in my video gaming community are actual, "friends," (RDS).  This belief will support Intimacy Free Pastiming because we are all playing the game together, and that is the topic of conversation.  To be in this RDS, I have to select activities that support my belief, and in this case, there will be only IFP because these gaming pals are actually, "virtual," friends.  This belief also supports my propensity to be shy and withdrawn.  If I just stay in this RDS, all the things I really want to change (being shy and withdrawn) will be cemented in place because I have selected beliefs and activities that support them.  After a while, this becomes a, "stuck place."

Reality Distortion Systems and Intimacy Filled Pastiming: If I am a pot smoker and that is what you and I do together, marijuana will always be the organizing principle of our, "relationship."  The real relationship is with weed.  There is no Intimacy Filled Pastiming in this pairing.  Yes, there may be sex, but the RDS is still in control because we are high when we have sex.  IFP comes when two people agree to deepen their relationship through communication, physical touch, and sex.

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Reality Clarity Systems and Intimacy Filled Pastiming – the goal