Author: Ann Schiebert
Example of life in a Reality Distortion System:
|dad’s relatives – many addicts
|mom’s relatives – marry addicts
It is extremely difficult and uncomfortable to get one’s self out of a Psychological Reality Distortion Field. (RDS). Here are some of the reasons: 1. Your family will tell you that what they think is true. 2. Your family will see you as disloyal if you decide to enter a Reality Clarity Field (RCS). 3. Family systems don’t like change. Your family will make every attempt to have you stay just the way you are, even if you are unhappy. 4. The very fact that you decide to enter a RCS makes you an outsider, floating in the unknown, trying to discover what is on the outside of the family RDS. This can be very lonely. 5. Your family will tell you that any of your thoughts that question the validity of the family RDS are the product of some corruptive force.
Let’s use our family above to explore how one family member might be discounted if he/she attempts to examine the family RDS. Let’s say the oldest daughter in this family, Susan, age 21, hears a lecture about addiction at college. She might take it upon herself to learn about addiction. She might begin to build a foundation for a RFS by going to Alanon or Alateen. They could read books about alcoholic families. Knowledge about the contents of the RDS will provide a different lens through which to look at it.
When Susan visits home for the holidays, she watches dad excessively drink until he slurs his words. She listens to mom’s excuses for dad’s behavior. She sees her siblings live through another ruined holiday. Susan has a clearer vision of the dynamics of her family and she decides she does not want to repeat them in her future relationships.
She confronts her mother. She says, “Mom, how can you put up with dad’s drinking, day after day, ruined holiday, after ruined holiday.” Mom gives her well practiced response: “Susan, you just have to understand that dad is under a lot of pressure at work. His drinking doesn’t hurt anyone. He just needs to relax and drinking is how he does it.” Susan then takes a very bold step out of her family’s RDS by saying, ” Well mom, I’m tired of spending every holiday watching dad get drunk, and until he sobers up, I won’t be coming home for any more holidays.” WOW WOW
Then what happens?
See Part 3 – next post