Author: Ann Schiebert
Types of Intimate Relationships
The Marriage Divorce Intimacy Style, Part 4
What do you TALK about when you are with someone with whom you are developing a romantic interest? In your mind, consider the content of your conversations with others. Make a list of the topics you usually discuss with people.
Here’s some feedback from people who were in the dating world, looking for someone with whom they could have a deep relationship:
- “He talked about his hunting trips, his hunting dog, the types of ducks he hunts, and what it’s like to sit in a duck blind. He put me to sleep.”
- “All she talked about were her past relationships and how victimized she was. She also talked about her kids, what they were doing, how cute they are, what they are learning in school. ZZZZZZZZ!”.
- “I met this guy at our local coffee shop and all he talked about was sex. It was a really short meeting and a huge turn off!”
- “I got so sick of hearing about his grandchildren! I just met the guy! I wanted to know about him and what I learned is that HE IS HIS GRANDCHILDREN!”
- “He is a sports fanatic! I heard about football, basketball, baseball and ice hockey! He never asked me one question about myself.”
So, readers, I think you get the idea, that there is not one bit of evidence in these meetings that would lead one to believe that there is a potential for intimacy. These were ALL first meetings of people in their 30’s and 40’s. If the examples above are the best we have to offer in our attempts toward creating a close relationship, there is a lot of work to be done. What ever happened to the art of conversation? This is the point at which one can start to PRACTICE more meaningful engagement. Remember, most of us put our best foot forward when we meet someone new, especially for the first time: Just WHAT is the content of your, “BEST?”
What do YOU talk about when you meet someone new? What if you couldn’t discuss sports, the latest TV programs, work, your grandchildren, or yourself? What would you talk about? If superficial conversation is at the heart of the meet, lust/love, marry/divorce cycle, is it any wonder that those who find themselves in this regularly repeated progression, find their relationships unfulfilling?
Write down what to talk about that would lend itself to getting to know someone on a deeper level.
More on this intimacy style, next post.
As a senior stepping into the dating world, it has been rather disappointing. I have met a few men who are like the examples you mention above. What they have done (accomplishments) or what they are doing (remodeling) etc. One guy I had coffee with I was so bored, I said, “So, are you going to ask anything about me?” He got embarrassed and needless to say the date was over soon after that. What do we do?