Author: Ann Schiebert
Courage – It takes great courage and perseverance to get out of one’s RDS. We will have to be perpetually courageous because the RDS will pull at us for the rest of our lives. Remember, many of us were born into our RDS, and it is deeply rooted. It provided us with our definition of, "normal." That is why we have to learn to depend on our RCS supports. There’s a saying that is most wise, "Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage." There’s another one that says, "It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are."
On the journey to a RCS, one discovers the new self, daily. In this process we struggle to delineate our truth.
Using our past example of spousal abuse, one might perpetually question if it is actually, "OK," to punch our spouse in the arm when, "he/she gets out of line." We might say to ourselves, "after all, there wasn’t a bruise and no bones were broken." And courage comes in when we tell ourselves that this behavior is not acceptable, that it doesn’t matter what previous generations did, and that we will not be around people who practice spousal abuse.
Focus on the Whole – If we concentrate on each little event that challenges us to return to our RDS, we risk being swept back into it. If mom invites us over for dinner, and we have promised ourselves that we will not be in a house where spousal abuse is tolerated, we can’t be tempted by the invitation. We must focus on our long term goal which might be to draw attention to what is going on in our family and to be the one person who says, "NO," to it by behavior and words.
Now, how does the road from our RDS to our RCS fit in with Intimacy Free and Intimacy Filled Pastiming?