Author: Ann Schiebert
Types of Intimate Relationships
Cheating, Part 2
One’s maturity level influences whether one cheats or not. One’s style of taking responsibility for their own behavior, also shapes one’s decision to cheat or not. In either case, BLAME is usually the key ingredient for rationalizing infidelity. If I can blame someone or something else, it’s NOT my fault, is it? And therefore, I don’t have to take responsibility for it, do I?
Here are some ways that cheaters excuse their behavior through the BLAME rationale:
- I was drunk and didn’t know what I was doing.
- You never want sex, so I had to get it somewhere.
- You don’t pay enough attention to me.
- Someone thought I was attractive so I did it to prove that all YOUR negative comments about me are wrong.
And so the list goes on and on.
If I can blame YOU, then I don’t have to look at ME! This is where maturity enters the cheating cycle. A mature person is able to look at, and own, their behavior. A mature person is able to realize that the decision to cheat violates sacred vows, trust, and commitment promises. The decision to cheat undermines the foundation of each and every relationship. Someone who is not so mature is unable to think through the consequences of their actions, so they just, “go for it,” and delude themselves by believing they won’t get caught. An immature person has not learned to resist the impulses they have that would hurt someone else. Those who cheat are all about getting their needs met, and NOT about working out solutions to problems with their significant other.
Those who have a history of cheating while in a committed relationship, are usually focused on their primal needs. Before you get into a committed relationship, learn if the, “cheating relationship style,” is that of your lover. If you discover that it is, don’t enter another delusion that, “I’m so special, and we have something so great, that I will never be cheated on.” Believing that thought would indicate that your own maturity level could be worked on. It could be a red flag that denial is part of how you enter relationships.